Some time many years ago, we decided to measure something that has a zero value on a scale where zero isn’t at the zero value. A temperature of no heat at all is -273 and -460 in degrees Celsius and degrees Fahrenheit respectively. This makes no sense. None.
In Kelvin, a total lack of heat is exactly 0 K. This makes sense. The lack of distance is exactly 0 meters. And 0 yards. And 0 parsecs.
So the obvious solution is to either switch everyone over to Kelvin (or Rankine if you’re a hipster), or to change introduce a new measurement for distance that has the zero point at some other value than no distance at all.
I suggest the Flen, based off the human body. 0 Flen is exactly 1.76 meters, because that happens to be my length. 1 Flen is 2.76 meters. -1.76 Flen is 0 meters, or a total lack of distance.
Some measurements in Flen:
Diameter of CD-Rom: -1.64 Flen
Length of Notch: 0 Flen
Length of Jakob: 0.02 Flen
Height of Eiffel Tower: 322.4 Flen
Who’s with me?